Just something I'm writing...

[Kate Denali]

Can you tell me how it sounds? OPINIONS GREATLY APRECIATED!!!
<3 <3



If there was one reason to give up on life, to never want to live again, I knew that reason. Parent’s hate you, amount to nothing, have no will to live. If your wondering what this is all about then I’ll tell you. This isn’t your typical teen tragedy or your typical teen love story. This is a story about the one life you have to live and living it to the fullest. I’m Evangeline Kelvin Morgan and welcome to my life.

I was sitting on my roof on Christmas morning and I looked to the sky. I wished for a white Christmas since we moved to North Carolina but it never came. I heard that the year before we moved up it snowed meagerly but not since then. I sighed and crawled back into my room from my window and I was greeted by the yelling of my parents again. I sighed and grabbed my towel and clothes and I walked to my bathroom. I waited till the water was at it’s hottest then I stepped in letting it relax all my muscles. After about an hour the water turned cold and I got out and looked at the foggy mirror. I wiped it and looked at the girl staring back. I sighed and I turned on the flat iron and I dried my hair and I got dressed in black skinny jeans and a grey t-shirt with some colored hearts on it. I hummed as I did my hair and make-up then I walked back to my room. I grabbed my olive green coat and my brown scarf and slipped on my Converse then I walked down the stairs. “I’m going out for a walk” I said to no one in particular and I walked out of my house. I shivered as I pulled my scarf over my mouth and I walked up to Harris Teeter and then to Starbucks across the street. I walked in and pulled down my scarf and walked up to the counter. “One venti Green Tea Latte” I said as I put my money in the cashiers hand. She nodded and gave me my change then I waited. About 5 minuet’s later my drink was done, I grabbed it and left. I inhaled the aroma of it and I took a sip and I walked to the public library, though it wasn’t open, and I sat there and drank my hot drink.

[Franz Storch]

Its pretty good, but don't start every sentence with I! Your a great writer, but starting every sentence with I just....... is not good. Look at one of the chapters i put on Fanfiction and compare them.

http://www.fanfiction.net/secure/live_preview.php?storyid=4011680&chapter=19/

You're an awesome writer, just stop putting I as th beginning of every sentence. Iclude some thoughts and feelings. Like A white christmas....... i've always wished for it since we moved up here but it never came. Sometimes i wonder if it ever will. I don't know, but i hope so.

[Carmen Denali]

i agree really good ideas and setup just dont use I as much ur a really good writer.

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